Motherhood is a Challenge and Work Sucks ...

Hello, hello, hello!

So I've been forced to really grasp how much life doesn't give a crap about your feelings or your stress level. In fact, I think it pushes and pushes until you're on the verge of snapping then it may provide a little relief or just drop kick you straight over the edge, "300" style.

Yes, I'm complaining. Yes, I know other people have it worse. But ya know, first world problems and all that. So what's the matter, you ask.

Well....

I have a three month old and my boyfriend, her father, can't handle poop, pee, vomit, spit up, breast-milk, and sometimes freaks out if she drools. She's teething, she can't help it. Not to mention we have two cats. One of which's favorite past time is licking himself ... ALL THE TIME!!! So there have been many 3 am cat vomit parties. And no, there is no sleeping through a cat making that awful noise and the terror that it might be on you. Guess who gets to clean it up? Oh yea. Such a lucky girl, I am.

And the house. We just bought this house and I'm already starting to slack on my cleaning. Why? Well first off see above paragraph and then note the following: long-haired cats, full time job, and extremely helpful boyfriend. I'm pretty sure there is a beacon that lures my boyfriend into the kitchen as soon as I finish cleaning and tells him he must cook something. If I ever find that damn thing it's toast!

That reminds me of a funny story. I think Brooklynn was about a month and a half to two months old. I finally got her to sleep for the night and was chatting with Cory in the kitchen, while he was cooking. I believe the beacon had struck that night as well. Anyway, he's making toast and burnt it. Well Brooklynn is sleeping in our room, in the basement. From down there you can hear a pin drop in the kitchen. You can hear everything! So Cory pulls out his toast and starts buttering it. GOOD LORD! You don't realize how loud toast is until you have a sleeping infant. I can hear her stirring on the monitor and Cory freezes, peeks over his shoulder at me and I'm glaring at him hardcore. A giggle escapes him as he rapidly scrapes butter on the rest of his toast. He's so lucky she didn't wake up. I would have stabbed him with my fork. I can just picture that conversation with the police.
"What motivated you to stab him?"
"Uh ... he was buttering his toast too loudly." Seems legit, right?

But back to the point of this post. Life is a pain in the ass. It keeps handing you piles of shit and I feel like I'm wading in it now. I mean my home life isn't so bad. It's just the usual stressful things bills, baby, cleaning, ya know. Work, that's a different beast. Everything that's going on is too much to type out, so I'll try to keep it short.

Had a sit-down with the owner, trying to take some initiative and tell him I'm interested in taking on more responsibilities. Went in confident and came out crushed. In the span of less than 10 minutes, I was told he doesn't like my personality, my voice, thinks people are not happy to speak with me, have no ambition, basically I suck all around. His suggestions for fixing it was to pay more attention to him (yes he said it just like that) and go to my supervisor everyday and ask to help her.

Now my supervisor and I had a great relationship until recently. I still haven't a clue what I did, but all of a sudden I'm getting dirty looks, attitude and everything I do is wrong and annoying. Before you go thinking that maybe I stepped on her toes by going to the owner for our talk, I didn't. My supervisor and I had discussed many things and she let it be known that the owner was the one doling out responsibilities. Plus, I had talked with him before my maternity leave and he gave me 'pointers' on my work. Since he hadn't said anything about my work, I assumed I'd gotten better and we even seemed to be getting along better, so that was most of my reasoning for wanting to talk to him. Boy was I ever wrong!

So today I had a wonderful morning and was in a great mood! I was determined that I wasn't going to let anyone ruin it. Yeah... that only lasted a couple hours. I instantly got right to work as soon as I walked in the door. My supervisor seemed to be in a good mood, she was laughing with my other coworkers and yet every time I walked into her office she gave me a look like I was bothering her. I'd quickly say what I needed to say and leave. It got to the point where I stopped smiling when she'd pass by and then I stopped even looking at her altogether. She even went in my coworkers office and chatted with her about her kids for several minutes. When she came to tell me she was leaving, I barely spoke. I'm tired of being treated like shit when all I ever do is try to help them. Now I'm afraid to even go into her office and offer her help.

What's more, I was supposed to have gotten my yearly evaluation before I left for maternity leave in February. Didn't. Came back. She said she was going to do it in a week or so. I understood, she was getting caught up and all that. Still haven't had it and it's June. I've come to the conclusion that they don't want to give me a raise, so she doesn't want to give me my yearly and have to explain why I'm not getting one. And/or they are contemplating getting rid of me. I've done nothing to warrant being fired though. Maybe they're just waiting for me to screw up so they can fire me. I don't know. It's gotten so bad in just a couple weeks that I've started applying at other places and I truly loved this job, but I dread coming to work every day. I wasn't even this miserable at Walmart!

I wish my Etsy shop would pick back up. Then maybe I could quit.

So yea, that's my complaints for the day.

Until next time
Shay

Pregnancy Has Taught Me I've Got A Little Crazy Living In Me

No those are not pj pants ...

Let me first start off by admitting that I was a little crazy before my pregnancy. Actually, I'd consider it more weird than crazy, but that's really neither here nor there. The point is there is a distinct difference in my particular brand of crazy as I grow this tiny human within me.

Have you ever realized that you are being totally nutty but you just can't seem to stop? Let me give you an example. My mom and I rarely fight. I have total respect for her and even if she is upsetting me, I've held my tongue and avoided a dramatic fit throwing. Early on, I was struggling with my hormone changes and thus was being whipped around on an emotional roller coaster. I forget exactly what my mom said during this particular event, but I do remember the rush of fury as I jumped to my feet, yelled at her and stomped out of her house like a raging teen. I drove home babbling and yelling at no one. Stomped into my house and promptly threw myself on my bed, continuing the childish tantrum and cried. My boyfriend was pretty shocked by the whole display, but handled it well, allowing me to vent about my irrational anger and consoled me. I apologized to my mom shortly after and she understood, but it's now a little running joke that I can be kinda scary pregnant.

Sadly that hasn't been my only episode of insanity, but given the sheer amount stress I've had to endure along side being pregnant for the first time, I think it's fair to have a few moments. What I mean is most women have to deal with their pregnancy and maybe a full time job. I'm pregnant with a full time job, crochet side business, Dove Chocolate Discoveries, and house hunting. That was in the beginning. Then tack on the fact that my boyfriend had to have an emergency appendectomy a few weeks ago and he was out of work for a few weeks, we signed on our house early and I felt useless not being able to carry a lot of things. Not to mention my lack of energy. It's taking me forever to get my house organized because I'm so tired after work. I still have to sort through an entire truck-load of baby stuff from my boyfriend's mom and if you think I'm exaggerating, I most definitely am not. And now it's about time for the holidays and all that that implies.

Do you see? Do you see why the crazy has surfaced? I actually feel that I've been handling this pretty damn well considering it all. My boyfriend and I haven't fought too much actually. Although I did have to endure his drunken ramblings the other night about getting married for insurance reasons and I wanted to smack the crap out of him. Mind you, this conversation was happening between him and my mom. Just to let you know, he really does want to marry me because he loves me he's just an extremely unromantic idiot.

So there you have it. Did pregnancy bring out the crazy in you? How did people handle it?


'Til next time.
Shay

People I'd Like to Punch in the Face ... Again

Part 2

1. If pregnancy was a person, that bitch would definitely have been punched in the face by now. And before you freak out, I'm obviously not talking about the kid. It's like talking about Aunt Flow or you know what? I think you got it.  

2. The next person to joyfully point out the fact that I now waddle. 

3. People that say things like, "totes adorbs". Sets my gag reflex off.

4. People that joke about me not being able to drink. Oh yes that's super hilarious and I haven't heard a million of them already. Just wait 'til I tell you my new joke. The punchline is amazing ... 

5. Parenting advice? Sure, I'd love to turn my kid into a selfish, disrespectful, materialistic, brat like yours. 

6. Customers: "I spend a lot of money here! If you don't do this, I will take my business elsewhere!" You are not the only person who spends a lot of money here. You not coming back would't even make a dent in the books, but it would make us all very happy. Have a great day!

7. Fifty Shades of Grey. Ok so, props to the author for making beaucoup bucks on horrendous writing and even worse, glorifying abusive relationships. Deserves both a punch in the face and a World's Luckiest Author award. 

8. Not to get all political, but all of these Black Lives Matter protesters. Look around you! If they matter so much why are they standing in the middle of busy freeways?? I just don't understand what that is supposed to achieve. Killing people, looting, rioting what does that prove? That your lives are more important than others? That you're superior? I respect those that stand up for what they believe in. I'm not saying you're totally wrong. I'm saying you're going about it all wrong and for that you deserve a punch in the face. Get it together people. We're all human!

Alright that's all I can muster for today. Until next time. 

Stay classy my friends.

Shay

New Sketchy Sketch

Good morning! A friend of my boyfriend asked me if I could draw a picture for his cousin for her birthday. So the sketch came out pretty good and I was really happy with. Actually think it's the best one of done so face. But then this happened ....

Markers are not erasable ... I got over zealous on the sleeves and my only option was to color it in. My friend seemed to like it but I am still not thrilled about it because I didn't have time to redo it. I guess it could have been worse.

That's about all I have to say about that. What do you think? 

On a totally unrelated note, I am excited to announce that I will be doing my very first vendor event at the end of the month for both Dove Chocolate Discoveries and Shay's Crochet Creations. Check out the websites if you're curious. Woooooo!

Later,

Shay

Am I in Hell? Oh Wait No, Just Pregnant

Moms and moms-to-be, welcome. I am a first time prego, soon-to-be mom. (Things might get a little personal here, so be prepared.)

My boyfriend and I stopped using protection about 2 years ago. Boyfriend? Oh yes. I did indeed say boyfriend. Whether I have a ring on this finger is really none of anyone else's business and that's that. We are still together even if I've become a devil and he's one of the most annoying things on this earth. I'll go over that further in just a minute. Anyway, yeah! It took that long to get knocked up! Who would of thunk it? I mean I'm a 26 year old healthy woman and he's a 31 year old ... well he's alive anyway. I mentioned this so that if I end up in 'bitch' mode and come off sounding like the most ungrateful person ever to conceive you may recall we wanted this and tried for awhile.

First off, I am about 17 weeks into this nightmare and I know what you are probably thinking, 'you got a long way to go mama.' 'You shouldn't speak about such miracles in such a nasty way. How dare you!' Or you know something to that effect. Or maybe you didn't have the most precious pregnancy ever and find some sympathy here. Don't get me wrong, I am super excited to be a mom, but I don't like pregnancy. I feel like I've lost control of who I am and all I am now is a vessel to grow this baby.

Did your prenatal vitamins make you sick? (or other problems?) Yeah well apparently that is completely normal. Since it was a few weeks until I could see my doctor for my first visit, I had to either live with it or figure something out. For me, eating cereal and taking the pill with the milk was the only way I've found so far. Not the worst thing in the whole world right?

How about the mood swings? Those are my absolute favorite. My boyfriend (really I do love him) is not a cuddly person. He's also not very good with sympathy, emotions in general, and just basically most of what would pass as being a supportive person during all of this. That being said, I do actually know that he loves me but when you are going through something so life altering you need a bit more confirmation than an occasional 'I love you'. Have I told him? Yes to an extent but like I said he doesn't really get it. So instead my prego brain has decided quite rationally to just stop trying in our relationship. I have not been a complete crab-ass because I'm tired, so I just don't do anything. I don't ask him to go places with me, his opinion about things, no affection. Obviously he's realized something is wrong and is starting to pay attention a bit more but only because he thinks I'm mad at him. I realize this is probably not a healthy solution to our problems ... I never claimed it was a good idea though. I'm sure it will be fine once my mood has leveled back out.

Being tired? Coming from someone that was rarely ever tired previously, mostly due to insane amounts of caffeine, that's been a hard thing to handle as well. I hate being tired. It makes me feel useless, which is the worst feeling ever in my book. So tiredness sucks. People keep telling me to take naps. When? When would you like me to take a nap? I don't know about you, but I have a full time job that I have to go to and then I have things to take care of when I get home. Picking up the house, figuring out what's for dinner, working on my crafts for Etsy and now I started with Dove Chocolate Discoveries (Direct sales. It's actually really cool. I plan to do an article on it soon. If you're interested, shoot me a message.). I'm doing all this in hopes of making enough to possibly be a stay at home mom. Anyway, no time for naps. Not to mention we are also trying to find a house! Talk about stressful!

I've gained like 25 lbs already and surpassed my heaviest weight ever at around 6 weeks. That means I have hardly any clothing left that fits my lower half. Luckily I wore looser shirts to begin with. My boyfriend keeps saying it's OK and it's a good thing. I'm not feeling good about it. Then he suggests for me to go agate picking with him to get some exercise. For those of you that don't know an agate is a type of rock. Did I mention I'm tired? All the time? I did? Well I'll say it again. I'm tired all the time. Oh people said, 'You'll feel like a rock star in your second trimester. The tiredness will go  away and you'll just have this cute little bump.' Liars! I have the bump but all the rest is lies. There is no rock star feeling. You know what there is??? A whole lot of  praying that nothing happens this time when you sneeze. I could go on forever about things that people told me in the beginning that just are not true for everyone or probably anyone but their lucky asses. I mean, one of our friend's (recent new mom) actually asked me if I feel more flexible. Absolutely not. I swear this woman was from like another planet. She was the most graceful pregnant woman I've ever met and I often ponder to myself how the fuck she did it. I mean, I'm over here switching moods at the drop of a hat, crying because I have to do the dishes and she was all yoga classes and shit. So different for everyone.

It might very well be different when I can finally feel baby moving around in there. Sometimes it doesn't even feel like I'm pregnant. I have a love/hate relationship with those moments. Is there something wrong? Is it normal? See the thing is, everyone experiences this miracle of life in a different way. Some women have every symptom in the book and are positively miserable the entire time from being sick. Some, like myself, have a tough time of it because of all the mental things going on. And then there are those women who go through their entire pregnancy perfectly happy and other women secretly want to strangle them.

Basically some days are worse than others.

I think that's about all I have for today's little rant. How about you? Was/Is your pregnancy easy? No crazy mental problems like me?


Crazy Shay signing off

People I Would Like to Punch in the Face

Part 1


1. The people that stop right in front of you in the grocery aisle to chat it up, taking up the entire aisle, forcing you to either interrupt their ill-timed walk down memory lane or turn around and take the long way around. Want to chat? Fine. Move your fat ass out of the way first.

2. Whoever invented recorded cold calls. Some of them are starting to sound impressively real. Still not OK.

3. People that park on the line taking up two spaces like they are some bomb-ass-boss, which they are highly unlikely to actually be.

4. Animal, children, and people abusers. Obviously.

5. People who decided on time-zone changes. You got the right idea Arizona!

6. Pushy salesmen that take the 'don't take no for an answer' routine WAY too far. If I'm forced to give you false contact info just so you'll leave me alone, you might wanna consider toning it down a little. My boyfriend and I got stalked in Slumberland yesterday by a salesman. It was like she thought we were somehow going to fit one of those overpriced mattresses in my tiny purse and walk out! We were both so overwhelmed we had to leave!

7. Micro-managers. I think I can manage answering the phone without your help. After all I've been successfully pulling it off for 6 months.

8. My boyfriend on many occasions. "Of course we have time for you to finish your beer before we go meet the realtor in 5 minutes across town." "Oh please? Can I really be your DD for the next 9 months?" "Would you like to just marry your 6 buckets of agates?" "Shut up. Do you want me to come over there and cuddle you?" (Yes that is an actual threat in my household when he's being a whiny baby on the couch.) The good news is we love each other and I have not actually punched him in the face ... yet.

9. People who can't take a joke. Seriously my family had to teach one of my little sisters that not everything is offensive. She would get so offended and hurt by every little joke you made. She cried a lot. Eventually she learned the concept of jokes and sarcasm.

10. Drunk fighters. I hate going out with these people. It's like a catch 22. You want to punch them in the face for being an intoxicated idiot but at the same time you don't because you know they're just being an intoxicated idiot.

11. People that are offended by everything! If I decorate my yard with Christmas, Halloween, etc decorations I expect you to mind your own damn business. You can appreciate my creative skills regardless of the holiday. I don't go around telling you what you can and cannot put up in your house or place of business. If a business wants to show some holiday spirit, so what? And what's so bad about being offended anyway? OK so you didn't like it. It's not going to kill you. You aren't going to die from some offensive disease. Being offended does not give you cooties.

12. Sad Facebook posters. You know, the people who post something depressing every few minutes, so it looks like their entire life is one giant funeral. So depressing.

13. Both Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump. I can not believe this is what America has come to.

14. Obsessive Snapchat junkies that send a million duck-face poses with highly uninteresting captions like, "hi!" "Just got up." "Going to work." "At work." "Leaving work."...

15. Druggies that are so high that they talk in slow motion and suddenly know the meaning of life and proceed to explain it to you. It is always the most illogical and ludicrous things you've probably ever heard but hey, "I'm totally more productive man." (It's usually pretty funny but often very annoying.)



Thanks for playing along!

Shay

Harley Quinn's Portrayal in Suicide Squad

Let me start off by saying that I thoroughly enjoyed Margot Robbie's performance. I've been waiting so long for Suicide Squad to come out and it was mainly due to the excitement of seeing a movie portrayal of Harley Quinn. She 100% made that movie. I think the rest of it sort of fell pretty flat of expectations to be honest. That being said, there were some questionable plot points. Here is your spoiler warning! If you have not watched the movie do not read on from here.

Before I get into it, I'd like you to know that I have not actually read all of the comics. Therefore my knowledge is limited by that. Don't get mad if I get something wrong but please do correct me. Thanks.

So the comics and the movie are similar in that Harley falls in love with the Joker while working as a psychiatrist. What gets me about the movie is that they imply that it was the Joker who physically harms her creating the crazy Harley Quinn we all know and love. However, I didn't get that impression through the comics. This puts a different twist on her love for the Joker making it seem a bit more artificial. My question is was it not believable enough that she could have just fallen in love with him and let her crazy out? Just a thought.

I never did watch the Superman vs. Batman movie. I'm just not a Superman fan. Don't shoot! Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I'm curious if there was something in that movie that led to the fact that they had Superman dead in the beginning of Suicide Squad. I may not be a fan but I can't imagine why DC would kill off such an iconic character. Making him go home? Maybe. Dead? Not so much. I don't know it sort of bugged me. I felt like I missed something big and I probably did having not watched Superman vs Batman. What do you think?

Overall, I'd have to say that I enjoyed the movie. I think that they could have dug a little deeper as far as plot goes. I feel like they started putting together all of these scenes with cool background music and then went, "Crap! Forgot about the plot. Probably should add that." Seemed bare minimum. I mean seriously is no one going to question what the hell El Diablo just turned into? Did they know he could do that because it did not seem like he knew they knew. I mean didn't he say something like, "...show you what I really am."? That might have been a little confusing but you get my point.

Anyways what did you think of the movie? Love it? Hate it?

My Harley Quinn inspired bag. Pattern available too! Click!