Hello, hello, hello!
So I've been forced to really grasp how much life doesn't give a crap about your feelings or your stress level. In fact, I think it pushes and pushes until you're on the verge of snapping then it may provide a little relief or just drop kick you straight over the edge, "300" style.
Yes, I'm complaining. Yes, I know other people have it worse. But ya know, first world problems and all that. So what's the matter, you ask.
Well....
I have a three month old and my boyfriend, her father, can't handle poop, pee, vomit, spit up, breast-milk, and sometimes freaks out if she drools. She's teething, she can't help it. Not to mention we have two cats. One of which's favorite past time is licking himself ... ALL THE TIME!!! So there have been many 3 am cat vomit parties. And no, there is no sleeping through a cat making that awful noise and the terror that it might be on you. Guess who gets to clean it up? Oh yea. Such a lucky girl, I am.
And the house. We just bought this house and I'm already starting to slack on my cleaning. Why? Well first off see above paragraph and then note the following: long-haired cats, full time job, and extremely helpful boyfriend. I'm pretty sure there is a beacon that lures my boyfriend into the kitchen as soon as I finish cleaning and tells him he must cook something. If I ever find that damn thing it's toast!
That reminds me of a funny story. I think Brooklynn was about a month and a half to two months old. I finally got her to sleep for the night and was chatting with Cory in the kitchen, while he was cooking. I believe the beacon had struck that night as well. Anyway, he's making toast and burnt it. Well Brooklynn is sleeping in our room, in the basement. From down there you can hear a pin drop in the kitchen. You can hear everything! So Cory pulls out his toast and starts buttering it. GOOD LORD! You don't realize how loud toast is until you have a sleeping infant. I can hear her stirring on the monitor and Cory freezes, peeks over his shoulder at me and I'm glaring at him hardcore. A giggle escapes him as he rapidly scrapes butter on the rest of his toast. He's so lucky she didn't wake up. I would have stabbed him with my fork. I can just picture that conversation with the police.
"What motivated you to stab him?"
"Uh ... he was buttering his toast too loudly." Seems legit, right?
But back to the point of this post. Life is a pain in the ass. It keeps handing you piles of shit and I feel like I'm wading in it now. I mean my home life isn't so bad. It's just the usual stressful things bills, baby, cleaning, ya know. Work, that's a different beast. Everything that's going on is too much to type out, so I'll try to keep it short.
Had a sit-down with the owner, trying to take some initiative and tell him I'm interested in taking on more responsibilities. Went in confident and came out crushed. In the span of less than 10 minutes, I was told he doesn't like my personality, my voice, thinks people are not happy to speak with me, have no ambition, basically I suck all around. His suggestions for fixing it was to pay more attention to him (yes he said it just like that) and go to my supervisor everyday and ask to help her.
Now my supervisor and I had a great relationship until recently. I still haven't a clue what I did, but all of a sudden I'm getting dirty looks, attitude and everything I do is wrong and annoying. Before you go thinking that maybe I stepped on her toes by going to the owner for our talk, I didn't. My supervisor and I had discussed many things and she let it be known that the owner was the one doling out responsibilities. Plus, I had talked with him before my maternity leave and he gave me 'pointers' on my work. Since he hadn't said anything about my work, I assumed I'd gotten better and we even seemed to be getting along better, so that was most of my reasoning for wanting to talk to him. Boy was I ever wrong!
So today I had a wonderful morning and was in a great mood! I was determined that I wasn't going to let anyone ruin it. Yeah... that only lasted a couple hours. I instantly got right to work as soon as I walked in the door. My supervisor seemed to be in a good mood, she was laughing with my other coworkers and yet every time I walked into her office she gave me a look like I was bothering her. I'd quickly say what I needed to say and leave. It got to the point where I stopped smiling when she'd pass by and then I stopped even looking at her altogether. She even went in my coworkers office and chatted with her about her kids for several minutes. When she came to tell me she was leaving, I barely spoke. I'm tired of being treated like shit when all I ever do is try to help them. Now I'm afraid to even go into her office and offer her help.
What's more, I was supposed to have gotten my yearly evaluation before I left for maternity leave in February. Didn't. Came back. She said she was going to do it in a week or so. I understood, she was getting caught up and all that. Still haven't had it and it's June. I've come to the conclusion that they don't want to give me a raise, so she doesn't want to give me my yearly and have to explain why I'm not getting one. And/or they are contemplating getting rid of me. I've done nothing to warrant being fired though. Maybe they're just waiting for me to screw up so they can fire me. I don't know. It's gotten so bad in just a couple weeks that I've started applying at other places and I truly loved this job, but I dread coming to work every day. I wasn't even this miserable at Walmart!
I wish my Etsy shop would pick back up. Then maybe I could quit.
So yea, that's my complaints for the day.
Until next time
Shay
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